Am I Being Troubled by Being Vocal of My Opinions, Thoughts and Feelings?

I have been very timid about my feelings especially to those who I consider not-so-close people to me...
But once they are close to me...
It has been very easy to tell or talk about what I feel...
But I talk about it cautiously...
Not telling all the things that I consider too personal to be talked in a conversation...
But I think my precautionary measures are below what is accepted by other people...
Because of this, I think and now I'm paranoid that someone I talked to got hurt with my words...

Knowing my personality, it would be too hard for me to apologize about it personally...
But I did it by text...
Though I did apologized through text, I would consider staying far away from that person..
That's obvious, I'm embarrassed and I don't want to have confrontation with that person in any way...

In the end, I will feel very paranoid not talking to that person...
I would even think that she would feel very angry or irritated by my presence...
That's how paranoid I am right now...

Living in a Box Part 1

Since my birth, I have been living in an enclosed box...
Always obeying my parents...
Always doing good things in their eyes...
Always aspiring good things for our family...

I never tried to disappoint them that I seldom commit mistakes in their eyes...
But now, now that I am at this point of life...
I am wishing of something...
I just want to peep out of the box and see the outside world...
I just try to do out of the good ways they see...
Sometimes I disobey them for my own satisfaction and happiness...
Like now, (watching video streams for more than an hour)..
If my mother is awake, she would probably talk out loud and say long litanies....
But I just want to see more...
For I can't escape of this enclosed box...
I just want to see more 'coz probably those things wouldn't happen to me this time or for a time being or even never (nosebleeds)..
Let me be in my fantasies right now!

Maybe it would take time to get off the box...
Maybe it would take the right time to go out there...
But I wish to do so...
I wish to experience the outside world...
I wish to be as normal as those people outside...
I wish to stop being a robot...
No emotions; and just a plain logical thing...

Part 2