disturbing ideas

well..
i know that everyone have noticed in my obsession in destruction and end-of-the-world movies...
to tell you the truth, i am really disturbed with the idea of destruction...
well...
i'm still asking myself why should i be afraid of the end...

i opened this topic to my college friends,
i told them that I AM REALLY AFRAID OF THE END...
i am really afraid...
like what lyka told me, if you really accepted God as your Savior, then why should you be afraid?
hai...
i'm really guilty...

that night that lyka asked me that question,
i was a little bit surprised that i would hear those words from her...
and i answered her that i'm afraid that i'm not ready and i haven't fulfilled all my dreams yet...
that i haven't finished my job here...
and i am so sinful...
would He ever accept me?

p a r a n a m a n a k o n g m u l t o . . .

she answered me, you shouldn't be afraid for in His arms, you'll find full satisfaction...
those words really touched me...
on my way back home, i prayed and prayed and prayed to God to give me the ease of mind and help me to accept Him more wholeheartedly as my Savior..
and i as i returned home i told my mom bout those idea of destruction and how afraid i am of it..

Well, this ideas have nothing to do with my religion...
i actually believe deeply in my religion...
for so many times, it had answered all my questions...

for this time,
my mind is asking again about that time that He'll get all things back to Him...
actually, this question has been answered a long time ago
and yet, it is disturbing me again...

and now, i'm looking for my post about the priest's homily that answered this some time ago...
i found this ---> knowing
well, i know there are only few words about the priest's homily but i know that i really post it here somewhere in my blog so that i could read it sometime...

well, as i meditate and try to understand more...
i noticed Michael Jackson's song, Man in the Mirror...
well...
even it's not really related to the topic...
it has something to do with WHAT SHOULD WE DO...

actually, as i read the lyrics...
it made me almost cry...

if you want to make the world a better world
take a look at yourself and make that change...

yeah...
there's a little connection bout the end-of-the-world and the better world...
but i realized that
in our today's world
where everyone always sees the negative side of things...
where people would always criticize others...
...and not try to ponder and look for their on faults and wrongs
where most would focus themselves on the ends and not on the means to get to that end...
where everyone's looking and grasping selfishly for their own satisfaction...
...without giving importance and value to others' rights
we should make that change...
and we should start with ourselves...
so that we can capture everyone's heart to do the same...

i know, me too...
i admit it...
like everybody else, i often criticize others' mistakes and not mine...
and it has been very hard for me to accept all my own faults...

but with what had happened to me and all the things that i realized,
i decided to do the change and start it with myself...
though it would be very hard to do this change...

i already made up my mind...
i would really START NOW...

you know,
one more thing that i realized...
most of Michael Jackson's songs...
if you really read its lyrics and understand its gist...
you'll find it very meaningful to yourself and others...
and it would really inspire and motivate you...

~_~
NOW IS THE START
DO THE SAME DECISION FOR YOURSELF
AND MAKE THE CHANGE
~_~